I’ve never really been one for celebrating Valentine’s day- I put this down to having received very few cards over the years. I’m not keen on cut flowers but am a serious chocoholic, so it’s could go one of two ways!
Anyway, it’s an excuse it paint my nails and that’s good enough for me!
The brief was to feature the following:
The names Rebecca & Matthew
A couple representing them
Their cat Archie
And here’s the finished article…
With my birthday fast approaching I’m on the verge of some sort of meltdown slash midlife crisis.
Emotionally I’m feeling a bit all over the place at the moment. When I turned 26 I was very much in love, on the verge of moving in with the boyfriend, I’d just had a promotion at work, I felt settled. When you’re in a serious relationship I think you feel like you know which direction your life is headed in, chugging along like a lovely steam-train. Or maybe a boat. Oh even a steam-boat.
Then you break up.
And you’re completely lost.
It’s something I’ve been working on for a few months now. But I really don’t know who I want to be anymore. Relationships change you- that’s a fact. And now I can’t bloody remember who I was before!
On top of that I’ve been messed about so much this year by horrible, selfish men. I’ve never had to deal with this before! I wouldn’t say I used to be a player, but I definitely held all the cards. I was high maintenance, wild and carefree.
My ex is a very emotional ‘let’s talk about our feelings’ kinda guy, and I’d got used to that, so I’m finding it extremely difficult to deal with ‘normal’ men who, at best don’t talk about what they want from you and at worst play ridiculous mind games.
On top of this I’d also found that being honest and open worked for us. I now realise that (in my experience) most men lose interest once they realise they’ve hooked you and that they don’t need to chase you anymore. I’d met another guy who offered me the world and I’d basically said “sure, let’s do this!” He couldn’t get away fast enough!
This process repeated and I had to conclude that the only way was to clam up and be completely unemotional- frankly that didn’t work either. It felt like wearing clothes far too small for you- being unable to move freely, unable to breath deeply and generally being uncomfortable.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
And now I’ve met another guy (bear with me, there is a point to this). And he’s got me thinking… What is so wrong with being wild? He’s not the one, I’m not really interested, BUT I do think I can learn something from him. I’m not a stepmum anymore, I’m not past it, I don’t actually NEED to find a husband right now.
Fuck it. I’m supposed to be a flapper- why aren’t I behaving like one?!
26 is being written off. 27- let’s do it.
To be continued…
The other obvious thing to do on a weekend is have a tea party. And funnily enough it coincided with a need for an engagement party.
I’m not going to lie, I’m incredible at tea parties. I believe in doing things properly, so I begrudge buying anything in but this means I have to slave away for hours to get the results.
I also have a real thing for the details so have, for a long time, been collecting crockery and special objects to set the scene.
Normally I talk my guests through the names of dishes, the ingredients, whether they’re halal slash vegetarian slash suitable for people allergic to pepper. But frankly I couldn’t be bothered this time, so I made labels.
I also got fed up with doing the usual cucumber, egg, smoked salmon and ham sandwiches so thought I’d mix it up a bit.
Another caramelised banana and rum sandwich, Vicar?
Alright, there wasn’t a vicar present but you get the idea.
Champagne with mango juice ice cubes and edible glitter
Chorizo & apple sausage rolls
Chicken & mayo rolls
Egg mayonnaise & smoked salmon on French bread
Chocolate spread & sprinkles sandwiches
Caramelised banana and rum sandwiches
Tyrell’s Swanky Vegetable Crisps
Layered chocolate cake
Cucumber with pesto cream cheese
Sticky date flapjack
Needless to say we had a fabulous time.
Wow. This is a difficult one.
I thought my life was all set. Boyfriend, flat, little family sitch going on. And boom I’ve left it all.
You know how you look back and things are completely different to how they seemed at the time? And all those instances didn’t seem like much on their own. I suppose it seemed reasonable that I should stop going out for dinner with male friends and maybe it was a bit rude to sit texting my friends while we were together.
It’s when your friends start pointing out that it’s “really unlike you” that you realise something’s not right. Giving in. I’ve never done that. Staying in on a Saturday night. Nope, never done that either.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my baking and my sewing but I’m very much a party girl at heart. On those odd occasions where I did get out, it was on a promise that I wouldn’t speak to any men. Or drink. And that I would be in constant contact. Which socially is a bit of a challenge.
It was desperately upsetting to all but abandon my wing woman. To tell her that there was no way it could go on holiday or to a festival with her this year. Amazing considering I’ve been known to mouth off about how a man would never stop me from going to Ibiza! I’m so lucky that she never just left me to it, she always fought to get me back.
At the time I thought I was doing it for love but now I know it was for a quiet life; because I can’t deal with confrontation. On a Saturday morning I knew I was going to walk out. I hurts more than anything to see the person you love break down and cry. But if they loved you back they wouldn’t have broken you down first.